Aside from collecting rent and ignoring all that needs to be fixed in the building, our landlady believes that her role also entails encouraging and producing gossip. This task occupies her time while her husband is away for most of the year, working a mystery job in Northern Peru. This may explain why the gentleman who lives in front of our building is one of our landlady’s favorite targets. Apparently, the man is in love with her but shows his affection in odd ways as they maintain a distant love-hate relationship. He enjoys throwing water on the patio when her son is playing and leaving his sweepings in front of her door. She enjoys knocking on his door to complain.

When she knocks on our door to chat, we know she wants to gossip about the girl who lives in the apartment beside ours. We call her the “charapa” (a standard nickname for Peruvians from the rainforest) and the landlady likes to get updated on what she’s been up to. The charapa’s apartment and ours was originally constructed as one unit and the thin wall that now separates us never ceases to present opportunities for unintentional eavesdropping. She’s the wild child of the apartment family, disappearing for a couple months without paying rent or letting the landlady know, introducing her boyfriend as her brother, having random men leave her apartment in the wee hours of the morning and going clubbing on Sundays.

The one door the landlady ignores is of the stout lady (henceforth, Mrs. Stout) who lives on the second floor. It’s only been three months, but they’ve already developed an intense rivalry and the landlady can’t wait to get rid of her. The reasons accumulate:

• Strike 1: Mrs. Stout hosts a lot of loud, drunken parties with guests always overflowing into the hallways.
• Strike 2: Mrs. Stout throws garbage down her sink, which empties out right by the landlady’s door.
• Strike 3: Mrs. Stout’s dog lives outside of her apartment and he often does his business in front of others’ doors on all three floors.

It’s silly to see how the two ladies greet everyone but each other, how Mrs. Stout will shake out her doormat on the public stairs and how the landlady will let her own three dogs out to cause havoc with Mrs. Stout’s little mutt.

I wonder what the landlady says about me.

I’d love to hear about a character who lives in your apartment or neighborhood! =)